I know I haven't written in a while. I just didn't feel like writing on this blog. Unfortunately I found out that I have depression. How do I deal with it? I don't really do it...
Well... It's been a while since I realized. I started to have sleep problems. I sleep way too much during the day and I often wake up during the night. I also have nightmares. Sometimes I eat too much, sometimes I don't eat at all. I don't fell either sadness or happiness. There are moments when I think I loose control. I just feel despaired, I have panic attacks. And the worse part is that I lost interest in all things I used to love, like drawing or practicing martial arts.
But I can't stay like this forever, so I need to change somehow. I try everyday to make something that can ameliorate my low mood.
I started to keep a journal. Actually two. I have a Moleskine where I keep track of my activities and where I record my dreams. I also have a little notebook where I write how I feel. Just some ideas, three-four lines. It helps me to organize my thoughts.
I started some new activities that I enjoy. Yesterday I went to Zen meditation :)
I try to comfort myself. I drink tea, I read, I watch a good movie.
I just stay and wait, hoping that someday I'll be alright.
To say how I feel, I'll leave here a quote. Some days before finding this, I have written the same thing. Obviously, not so poetic and metaphorical...
“I think about dying but I don't want to die. Not even close. In fact my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic. There’s so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I’m still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can’t quite figure out what the hell I’m doing or how to get out of it.” —Matty Healy
